| In the Doghouse...again: Male and Misunderstood
By Dr. Lynn Margolies
Why do men so often find themselves in the doghouse with women? They try to please. They try to say the “right” thing. They do favors, buy gifts, work hard, and aim to live up to their responsibilities as a man. The story is familiar. Adam has been married for 10 years. He goes out of his way to be agreeable. So when his wife wants her family to visit the week before his bar exam, he tells her it is okay. He wants to make her happy and keep the peace. Though secretly hurt and irritated that she didn’t consider him, he can live with it. When his in-laws arrive, he is late coming home from work, cordial and dutiful, though aloof. He finds himself inexplicably getting into political debates with his in-laws. His wife gets angry at him, accusing him of being unfriendly, distant, and argumentative. See full article
|  | Harm Reduction Giving New Hope
By Gwen Gruber, LCSW
As a clinician, I have been tremendously inspired by Patt Denning, PhD, and her groundbreaking book: Practicing Harm Reduction Psychotherapy: An Alternative approach to Addictions, (2nd ed., 2004. Guilford Press). Prior to learning about “Harm Reduction Psychotherapy,” I felt frustrated with the rigid and “black and white” way that addiction has traditionally been viewed by our society. From my observations, there seemed to be something punitive in the manner that addictions were perceived and treated. Consequently, I saw a large number of people falling through the cracks of our mental health and substance abuse systems. This was especially true of people that were dual diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder as well as an alcohol or substance abuse problem. See full article
|  | Middle Aged Baby Boomers and Addiction
By Sherry Gaba, LCSW
A woman enters my office disheveled, thin, mid forties, with hollow eyes. It is as if the sparkle in her eyes ceased to exist a very long time ago. She tells me she has been drinking and is using methamphetamines. I am not surprised to hear this because lately my practice has been filled with middle aged baby boomers seeking help for their serious addictions. Whether it is alcohol, cocaine, crack, methamphetamines, pain killers, heroine, or smoking marijuana, many have crossed the line into addiction. Their lives have become unmanageable and they have lost their ability to control their use. Some believe they can just cut down, but as addiction specialists, we know it is impossible once you have crossed that invisible line into dependency. One of their defense mechanisms is “denial” so they can still continue their love affair with drugs or alcohol. See full article
| | Celebrity Worship: Adolescents New Addiction
By Sherry Gaba, LCSW, Psychotherapist and Life Coach
A frantic mother of a 15 year old daughter of a local suburban neighborhood tells her therapist that her daughter has quit the cheerleading squad, no longer dreams of college and becoming a lawyer, and her childhood friends have been replaced with friends she has never met. Her daughter has been isolating, reading all the latest celebrity gossip magazines, and becoming more rebellious at home. Clearly her daughter is pulling away which can be one of the hallmarks of addiction, depression, or an adolescent trying to form an identity. When you think of addiction, you think of drugs, alcohol, or even an eating disorder. What about the newest addiction teenagers are being struck with called “Celebrity Addiction.” One third of Americans are being struck with this phenomenon which is linked to depression, anxiety, body-image problems, and addiction. See full article
|  | Women and Self Esteem
By Maggie Vlazny, MSW, LCSW
What do you like about yourself? Are you proud of yourself? If these questions make you feel uncomfortable, or you cannot answer them, chances are that you have a problem with self esteem. Why is that? Why do so many of us basically dislike ourselves? Why are we embarrassed to "esteem" ourselves? Before answering this question, we must first define self-esteem. Self esteem comes from the inside out. It means that a woman is not dependent upon anyone else to make her feel good about herself, because she already knows she's fine just the way she is. She is confident and aware of her strengths and abilities. She wants to share them with others. See full article
|  | Is Your Spouse Your Best Friend? How to Keep the Fun in Your Marriage
By Dr. Resa Fremed, LMFT
When was the last time you went on a date with your spouse? According to new research from the University of Denver the more couples invest in having fun, friendship, and being there for your partner, the happier and stronger the relationship will be over time. According to relationship expert Dr. Resa Fremed, couples that play together, stay together. "In the years that I've worked with couples, I see over and over how they neglect planning time together and sharing the activities they once enjoyed. It comes as no surprise that they become glum about the state of their marriage and overwhelmed by their responsibilities. But it’s vital for the marriage and the entire family that they set aside time during the week to enjoy each other by enjoying an activity together.” See full article
|  | Taking Care of Mom: A Step Toward Warding Off Perinatal Mood Disorders
By Amy Levine Clayton, PsyD, LCSW
Can Going to the Hair Salon Help You Get Back to Your Roots? Why is it we seek out the experience of going to a hair salon? Is it the thrill of taking a moment in this fast paced world to pay attention to ourselves before we merge back onto the expressway of "need to's" and "should haves"? As soon as you step out of that nail salon, that beauty parlor, or day spa, you are slapped with that list of never-ending responsibilities, and if you are a new mother trying to cope with parenthood, that list can be your ticket to a host of perinatal mood disorders. See full article
|  | Living Well While Being Single
By Cheryl Deaner, Marriage and Family Therapist
Becoming single, either by design or by circumstance, can be an extraordinary turning point in your life. Having the time and space for a more self-reflective relationship with yourself instead of having to be constantly mindful of a partner can make you a more independent, flexible and interesting person. Especially if it has been a long time since you have been single, your new state of being can truly be a gift. Being single changes the tenor of your relationships with others. It gives you the time to be more sensitive and aware of the impact of your interactions with others. It can positively affect the quality of both your work and your play. And if you decide to partner again, it can help you to do so with an enhanced self-knowledge of who you are and what works for you in a relationship – which is basic to being able to give and receive love and respect. However, becoming single can also be a bit of an adjustment. See full article
|  | Ten Things You Can Do Now to Improve Your Relationship
By Keith Miller, LICSW
If you want to improve your relationship, you don't have to wait. Take a look at the following suggestions I have that can make major shifts in your relationship. Before you try to put these ideas to work, make sure to be patient with yourself in the process. Change is possible in any relationship, but it requires dedication and persistence. If you have trouble implementing these principles on your own, consider investing in marriage therapy. Marriage and relationship improvement isn't always linear or clearly observed. Since the unconscious agenda of committed relationships is to help us finish growing up, don't expect it all to happen overnight. It is a life-long journey. This being said, you can make a conscious choice to start on this path, and I hope some of these ideas may lead the way. See full article
| | Who Said It’s Not Your Affair? - Part 1
By Dr. Lynn Margolies
Every time a politician makes headlines for having an affair, people take the moral high ground. Though affairs of ordinary people do not make front page news, the truth is that any marriage can be vulnerable to an affair, even in upstanding communities. In fact, infidelity happens in 30-45% of marriages. What does causes good people to stray? There are different types of affairs. They may be motivated by the need for: excitement, sex, escape, feeling desirable, emotional connection, or a vehicle to leave a legitimately flawed marriage. See full article
| | How Can You Mend a Broken Marriage? - Part 2
By Dr. Lynn Margolies
When you hear that another politician cheated on his wife, your first thought may be “It doesn’t surprise me.” Followed by, “How can she stay with him?” But no marriage (or gender) is immune, and up to 45% of marriages know this. In fact - most marriages not only survive, but even thrive beyond affairs. Crisis forces us to mobilize - or face even greater pain, and thereby offers newfound opportunity for growth. When marriages approach destruction, the painstaking work of self-evaluation and behavior change seems worth it. Nevertheless, even after wounds are healed, trust violations leave behind a crack in the foundation of the relationship with the potential to reopen. See full article
|  | Diffusing the Tension with Tots & Teens
By Debbie Bauer, LMFT
There are several key survival tips that work well in raising both toddlers and teens. Developmentally, these stages can be quite similar in that both age groups are striving for independence yet wanting to hold on to the security currently in place. If parents do a good job through the toddler years – navigating the teen years may well result in a smoother than ordinarily expected transition. Having set the groundwork for a mutually respectful relationship significantly reduces the likelihood of oppositional power struggles in the future. Some suggestions follow... See full article
|  | Couples, Relationships and "Fix"
By Garth Mintun, LCSW
Work solutions aren’t necessarily transferable to “fix” relationship problems. What you do on the job does not necessarily mean it will work at home. For example, if an engineer, attorney, clerk or technical person tries to fix the relationship with his/her intimate significant other, the results may not be what he/she wants. At our employment we are trained to fix problems and are paid to be “problem solvers.” The problem solving method usually works like this: Isolate the problem and find what is “not working”; Rationally figure out what the problem is and try to fix it; Minimize the bad effects of the problem; Plan a pro-active solution to the problem. See full article
|  | Divorcing: Battle of Roses or Gavels?
By Dr. Laurel A. Sills, Licensed Psychologist
Making the decision to leave a marital relationship is very difficult for most people. Aside from letting go of the promise to stay together “through better or worse, sickness and health,” one has to face losing the family unit as it has been, losing marital assets and learning to be alone. In the best of circumstances, the husband and wife both will override their emotional hurt with sound intellectual reasoning. Each partner recognizes that being with someone either whom does not love you as a spouse or whom you do not love fully is not healthy emotionally for either partner or for your children. No matter how much pain divorce causes, the truth is that if the marriage cannot be brought back to a respectful, loving, faithful commitment, it may be best to dissolve the marriage. See full article
|  | Living with Chronic Pain
By Janice C. Feuerhelm, LPC
Chronic pain affects millions of people worldwide. Chronic pain is different than acute pain. Chronic pain is pain that continues long after the original cause. Chronic pain also has a psychological component that affects every area of one's life. The challenge of living with chronic pain can create depression, difficulty with family/friend relationships, loss of job, financial losses and a loss of self-worth. During my counseling experiences with individuals living with chronic pain, I have discovered that there are key healthy attitudes that help someone learn how to cope and live with chronic pain. I teach persons' with chronic pain how to adopt these attitudes and have had the pleasure of witnessing many reclaim their life again, in spite of chronic pain. See full article
|  | Reflections on Anger
By Peter Suski, Ph.D., MAC, CASAC
Any person at any moment on any given day can be found at different stages of their struggle with anger. More than any other emotion, anger is at the root of a person’s anxiety, stress, dysfunction, and general misery. Because of the invasive quality of this emotion and its impact on treatment issues, counselors must seek a clear understanding of the precipitating expectations that lead to anger, an expression of these feelings, and an acceptance that anger is a “normal” emotion. Anger is a basic human emotion. It is frequently first manifest at birth. From the safe, warm environment of mother’s womb to a brightly lit and chillier room, surrounded by strange faces wearing masks, the first response to breathing air is typically a loud wail. This display of emotion is traceable to the most immediate needs for survival being denied (Gelinas, 1988). See full article
|  | "Shoulding" All Over Ourselves!
By Patty Muller, LPC
Whenever I’m working with someone on self-care, self-love and self-approval issues, a part of me is always waiting for the first "should" statement to come out–and I usually don’t have to wait very long. Most of us are riddled with "shoulds", "oughts" and a multitude of other ways to express to ourselves what actions we need to take in order for us to be good people, parents, spouses, employees, etc. And therein lies the unpleasant truth hiding in the heart of every "should" statement we make to ourselves: the unspoken beginning of every sentence that contains the word should within it is, "in order to be a GOOD person, I should...." just fill in the blank with the directive of the moment. Which means that every time we use a should on ourselves, we’re reinforcing the harmful idea that we are NOT good enough, just as we are. See full article
|  | EMDR and the Brain: How We Think it Works
By Cynthia Horacek, M.S., M.F.T.
Although EMDR has been in use by therapists for treating trauma, phobias, anxiety and a variety of other "disorders" since 1989, the vast majority of people have no idea what it is, what it does or how it works. EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing. And even though the words "Eye Movement" are part of the name of this truly amazing technique, eye movements are not necessarily a part of its success. But allow me to explain… See full article
|  | Relationships in the Alzheimer's Dimension
By Sherry Katz, LCSW
No disease brings much good news with it; the combination of medical management, life style changes, possible economic and daily functioning routines that are affected by prioritizing optimal health for as long as possible, are time consuming and life altering foci. Unique to Alzheimer’s disease is that in addition to the above description, it presents the challenge that basic communication, judgment, decision making, memory, planning and expressiveness each will gradually diminish. These losses very soon become problematic for anyone wanting a sensible conversation with the patient, and most especially so for those who have regular contact, emotional involvement, and responsibilities toward this patient. If the patient’s abilities to interact have changed, then it follows that those who elect to communicate or maintain their relationship with the patient, must also change their habits of relating to the person. See full article
|  | Quick Tips on How to Build Your Trust in Your Relationship
By Jennine E. Estes, M.A.
It is very important to show your partner that you are trust-worthy....and here are some quick tips. (1) Follow through with what you say. If you tell your partner that you will be home by 8:00, come home no later than 8:00pm. If you are going to be late, call them and let them know ahead of time. (2) Don't be unrealistic. Avoid saying that you will "Always" have your cell phone on or you will "Never" turn your phone off. This is unrealistic. Sometimes your phone will die or you might forget it or you might not hear it ring. Instead, tell your partner that you will try your best to answer the phone. And then....follow through with what you say (tip #1). See full article
|  | Remember, "Anything Is Possible!"
By Sue Waldman, MA, LPC, CEC
At some point in our lives, we all suffer loss; some more than others. Yet few of us are prepared for the anguish, sadness, aloneness, and overwhelming devastation that follows. Loss of any kind can be a life-transforming experience in every person’s life that changes us, reclaiming who and what we are. Loss can take place in many forms: death, divorce, loss of positive childhood experiences, an office or home, a career, a sense of safety, and loss of one’s experience of being happy. Any loss may awaken the divine self within. However difficult it seems, the journey through grief is neither endless nor impossible. It can be an opportunity for self-discovery. As the grief process unfolds, there lies a loving, unexpected peace. See full article
|  | Living in Spite of OCD
By Michael E. Jones, LMFT
Perhaps you suspect you are one of the 3 million American adults affected by Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Or maybe you or a loved one was just diagnosed with this condition. What next? As a psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of OCD and related disorders, I have compiled the following suggestions to help you make wise treatment choices. (1) If you have not been formally diagnosed with OCD, do not assume you have it because your friends told you so, or because you double-check your door locks, or because you sometimes have “inappropriate” thoughts. The fact is that OCD causes significant distress for those afflicted by it. Some people double-check their door locks every time they leave the house; someone with OCD may have to check it forty times every morning. While almost every one of us have some strange thoughts cross our minds, an individual with OCD can cling to just one for days, worrying why they had the thought. See full article
| | Summer Vacation - Time Off May Reveal Executive Exhaustion
By Dr. Sara Denning, Ph.D.
Beginning with Memorial Day weekend, The Fourth of July, until Labor Day, Summer will provide officially sanctioned “down time” for those who are secretly suffering from burnout. Subconsciously they may dread every day but their behavior continues to look as though they are performing as usual. Why are they putting on such a show? – Because they feel completely trapped and haven’t a clue as to how to get out of their slump. A common secret in many companies and firms is that a few executives and partners have worked themselves into exhaustion. They must continue to create new billing opportunities, expand the business, and manage aggressive clients. The results of this malady are not really well-hidden but covered up by staff and colleagues. No one questions their work. After all, these people are partners, presidents, and vice presidents; they comprise the core of the company. See full article
| | Fatigue and Impending Client Crisis
By Dr. Sara Denning, Ph.D.
Fatigue and Impending Client Crisis – Some top performers never take a break they just fall apart. Theresa G. could get clients to agree to almost anything once she got to know their needs. Her tenacity, which was known throughout the industry, was behind each promotion throughout her career. On this particular Monday she was making her battery of calls and sending e-mails. Theresa had worked for six months to get every detail right. She had everything she needed. There was just one problem: she no longer cared. Over the past six months the joy of the pursuit had slowly but surely disappeared. Each night her head rang with incoherent dreams keeping her from getting the sleep she so desperately needed. Her meals were tasteless. The support staff in the office had teased her about weight loss until it was no longer a joke. Her secretary looked at her with concern each time she appeared. See full article
|  | Are You a Fool for Love? Exploring the Art of Creating Intimacy
By Victoria Schlicht, MA, LMFT
No one wants to be a fool, least of all a fool in love. But what of being a Fool for Love? Is there any difference? Foolishness, folly, fool-hardy. We know it all too well. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. This is true of gambling with our hard earned dollars. Might it also be true of gambling with our hard won hearts? Shouldn't we be just as careful and cautious about how, when, where, and why we choose to invest our love? And yet, we can be smart, brainy, canny, and wise in the ways of the world. Too smart to be taken in. Too smart to be trusting. Smart enough to value safety and avoidance of pain and brokenheartedness above everything else. Even with the one we love. Too smart to allow the vulnerability that open-hearted love demands. See full article
| | Previous 25 Articles » |
|
